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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25730536">Oxymoron</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/bugiiwonderland'>bugiiwonderland (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bugiiwonderland x The Parallel [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NU'EST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha/Omega, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:14:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,586</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25730536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/bugiiwonderland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span>It was stupid. It was utterly stupid of him to lose control and call Jonghyun to go here when he knew doing so would only tip everything off balance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But you know what’s more stupid than that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was lying to himself and using his heat as an excuse, when he knew that it wasn’t the truth at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with Jonghyun next to him, he knew he wasn’t the only one who’s lying to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because why else, right?</span>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hwang Minhyun &amp; Kim Jonghyun | JR, Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bugiiwonderland x The Parallel [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Nu'fics x The Parallel</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Oxymoron</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Song Reco: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/0SbOpoBzBBCqWIcvo94JeD?si=u55pZA8sTDKVrDDFuF34jQ">Ella Mai’s Naked</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Before we do this,” Jonghyun laid a hand on Minhyun’s thigh, stopping him from grinding under him. “Shit, Minhyun, stay still first—I have to say something.” </p><p>“We’re both naked and I’m in fucking heat, Jonghyun. Can’t we do the talking after sex? I really can’t afford a pillow talk right now,” Minhyun snarled, losing the last bit of his patience. </p><p>Jonghyun’s face darkened, and Minhyun understood that he went over the line. Gritting his teeth, he closed his eyes and laid back on the pillow. “Fine, say it.” </p><p>“First, I just want to clarify that this is not a pillow talk,” Jonghyun began, expression turning gentle as he watched how hard Minhyun was trying to restrain himself when he should have been fogged and completely out of control long time ago. He reached for Minhyun’s cheek and delicately caressed it, reminding Minhyun that even if things won’t be the same after this, their relationship will remain the same. He would still be here for Minhyun as his companion, his friend. And Minhyun would still be like that for him. </p><p>Minhyun opened his eyes and leaned into Jonghyun’s hand. He hated how he understood what Jonghyun was telling him even without saying it out loud. And that part—that part always hurt. </p><p>It hurt so much how he could understand the wordless goodbyes that could be something more.</p><p>“Second, as I’ve told you from the beginning, I don’t do relationships, Minhyun. So this is just purely fucking without emotions, without feelings, and without a future between us. Do you understand?” </p><p>Minhyun wanted to say no, that he doesn’t understand—and that all of Jonghyun’s claims were wrong. Feelings had been involved long ago. And it was in the way Jonghyun would smile at him, the way he would take his hand and hold it in his. With each passing time, this relationship that started as nothing but platonic companionship turned into one that was just full of lies. </p><p>They already went over the boundaries of that as soon as Jonghyun agreed to this. But of course, Kim Jonghyun wouldn’t be Kim Jonghyun if he would admit that, right?</p><p>After all, in Jonghyun’s stubborn mind, he was just some sick uncontrolled alpha, taking advantage of him, an omega.</p><p>And as much as Minhyun wanted to tell Jonghyun that it wasn’t the case, that in no way would Jonghyun act like that, he remained mum. Because there’s no point in telling someone the truth when he had a thick wall of lies covering and protecting him.</p><p>Of course, he wouldn’t be the stupid Hwang Minhyun either if he broke those walls that Jonghyun profusely built. After all, he knew what would happen. He knew saying something would only result in Jonghyun leaving him. And minus his feelings that would only get hurt after this night—his current state would rather just turn a blind eye. </p><p>At least, just for tonight. “Yes. I understand.” </p><p>“Good.” Jonghyun smiled before dipping down and trailing kisses to his jaw. Minhyun whined and started moving against Jonghyun. “Impatient, aren’t we?”</p><p>“Just get to it, Jonghyun.” Minhyun growled, pulling Jonghyun towards him and kissing him straight on as if Jonghyun was water that would satisfy his thirst.</p><p>Biologically, it made sense. Jonghyun was the alpha that he needed, but he knew it wasn’t just that. These things that he was feeling wasn’t just him being an omega in heat—it was never just like that. He had always wanted Jonghyun, always wanted him in the sense that made his heart long for him so much that it also broke.</p><p>It was a deep kind of longing. Something that made him feel that his decisions were right—that this, whatever they’re doing was right. Even though he knew that he would be stuck once this was all over—that he would be trapped and completely broken, as he waited and hoped for a miraculous day like this, of being with Jonghyun again.</p><p>It was stupid. So fucking stupid of him. And he knew that very well. But how could he just stop the blooming hope in him when with every kiss that Jonghyun gave him, every touch that Jonghyun did to his skin just screamed Jonghyun wanted this as much as him too?</p><p>That <em> this, </em>the way they kissed as if there’s no tomorrow, how every gentle touch, and how everytime Jonghyun stared at him so vulnerably, was the real them? That this was the truth? And that as much as he knew he would be hurt once this was all over, he knew that everything would be worth it?</p><p>That maybe, even when his mind was completely clouded with Jonghyun, he knew that every time Jonghyun whispered his name, it meant that he felt the same too?</p><p>“Minhyun-ah,” Jonghyun whispered against his neck, before trailing kisses to his jaw, to the underside of his ear, and to his cheek. “You’re overthinking again, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Minhyun answered back, pulling Jonghyun to kiss him back on the lips. He bit his lower lip and heard him groan, before the older man reached for his hands and intertwined it with his.</p><p>“Stop overthinking,” Jonghyun gently chastised, pulling back and staring straight into his eyes. The older man caressed his cheek and Minhyun couldn’t help but lean into his touch. “Just think of now.”</p><p>“Will do,” he whispered, pulling back Jonghyun again. </p><p>Once everything is over, he’ll surely regret this. That maybe, he should have asked. That maybe, he should have been brave and told Jonghyun everything they’re too scared to face.</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>“Are you feeling better?” Jonghyun asked once he saw that Minhyun was awake and back to his normal state of mind. </p><p>Minhyun rolled over to his back and groaned when he felt a shot of pain in his ass. “No.”</p><p>“I meant that question as mentally, Minhyun-ah, not physically,” Jonghyun chuckled and gently threaded a hand through Minhyun’s hair. The younger stared at him and Jonghyun raised an eyebrow quizzically, before Minhyun glanced away and stared at the ceiling. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m feeling better,” Minhyun answered with a sigh. His whole body ached, and so did his heart, as realization of what happened between them dawned on him. He didn’t know where to begin—or where would this leave them.</p><p>It was stupid. It was utterly stupid of him to lose control and call Jonghyun to go here when he knew doing so would only tip everything off balance. </p><p>But you know what’s more stupid than that?</p><p>It was lying to himself and using his heat as an excuse, when he knew that it wasn’t the truth at all. </p><p>And with Jonghyun next to him, he knew he wasn’t the only one who’s lying to himself. </p><p>Because why else, right?</p><p>Why would Jonghyun, an alpha, who was always in control, who was always so fucking determined on drawing lines—if one could call this blurred boundaries as lines—on their relationship, be here? </p><p>When that would ruin everything between them?</p><p>“Good then,” Jonghyun said, brushing Minhyun’s hair one more time before pulling his hand away. “I prepared breakfast, so eat, okay?” </p><p>“And you?” Minhyun asked, glancing back to Jonghyun. The older man gave him an apologetic smile, before motioning for his phone. </p><p>“Can’t, I have to go back to the hospital today.” </p><p>“Oh,” Minhyun answered. He reached for his phone and realized that it’s already Monday, meaning, Jonghyun took the weekend off for him. He felt a movement on his bed, and saw Jonghyun already getting up. </p><p>Weirdly, Jonghyun was still only wearing boxers—his boxers, in fact. “Don’t tell me you only wore that the whole time I was out?” Minhyun asked, teasing Jonghyun. That seemed to put a smile on Jonghyun’s face as he got dressed, staring at him with his signature smirk.</p><p>“Well, I don’t really have a choice when you won’t even let me go to the bathroom, right?” </p><p>Minhyun blushed beet red and looked away. “I’m sure I’m not that bad.” </p><p>“Sure, Minhyun. Tell me that again when you go in heat the next time,” Jonghyun chuckled. </p><p>“The next time?” Minhyun repeated in a low voice, eyes immediately glancing back at Jonghyun. He saw the older man tense, before Jonghyun nodded. </p><p>“Yeah. The next time,” Jonghyun murmured before taking a deep breath. He faced Minhyun and smiled. “I’d rather be the one with you than another . . .” </p><p><em> Man. </em>Minhyun completed in his mind. He smiled at Jonghyun softly and nodded. “Okay, I’ll make sure to call you then.” </p><p>“Like you wouldn’t call me as soon as I’m out of your place?” Jonghyun retorted, before reaching for his phone on the bed. </p><p>“You know me too well,” </p><p>“Of course, I do. I’ve known you for three years, Hyun-ah,” Jonghyun stated before dipping down low and placing a kiss on Minhyun’s cheek. And if Minhyun was taken aback by his uncharacteristic gesture, the younger man didn’t say anything. “I-I’ll call you when I’m at the hospital then?” he stammered, immediately pulling away and reaching for his bag. </p><p>“Yeah, call me,” Minhyun smiled a little and nodded. He watched as Jonghyun walked towards the door with his back hunched. </p><p>Jonghyun stopped by the door and turned to Minhyun. He stared at him and hoped that the words he couldn’t say—couldn’t be brave enough to utter, would be understood.</p><p>“Don’t forget to eat your breakfast, Hyun-ah.”</p><p>Minhyun grinned at Jonghyun with eyes turning crescent moons. “Understood.”</p><p>And for now, they both know that was enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*slurps milk tea while twirling with my chair*</p></blockquote></div></div>
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